The year was 2018 when I first asked my father if he would be okay with me going for a solo trip and just like most Indian dads his answer was NO! On asking what the reason was for not letting me travel alone, he said, “Bas! Nae!”.
Now, just like every modern 21st-century daughter who loves her freedom and hates being restricted, I nagged him to give me a valid reason. And even after much asking, all I could get out of him was “Bas! Nae!”. I then asked him if he would let my brother travel alone, and he instantly said "yes"
I was flushed with anger because of the obvious patriarchy in the statement. As strings of thoughts started to come to my mind and my urge to lecture my dad about how being a girl does not make any difference kept increasing, I was not surprised. Indian parents will give any reason to not let their daughters travel alone. However, this conversation with my father led me to ask my girlfriends about what would the reaction of their parents be if they wanted to travel solo. As I had expected, most of their parents refused, some for safety reasons and some for financial reasons, among others.
It is no surprise that the concept of girls embarking on solo journeys is not something that is widely encouraged or accepted. Just proposing the idea of wanting to travel alone can make aunties raise eyebrows and judge your character. Given the attitude that already exists around this idea, it can be a very difficult task to convince our brown parents to let us take solo trips.
So here are some tips to convince your parents to let you pursue your dream of exploring the world on your own terms without those judgmental eyes.
1) For starters, proposing the idea of a solo trip itself can be a little intimidating, as deep down we have already convinced ourselves that we will not be allowed. My advice to you is to be open to possibilities and ask. However, to make it a bit more convincing, you can present a well-researched plan and itinerary, from your departure date to which hotels you will be staying in to the number of days you will be travelling All these details will help in clearing their doubts and concerns. After all, opportunity comes to those who are prepared. Start with the parent who is easier to convince, and always remember that puppy dog face can go a long way (:p)
2) “It’s not safe”. One of the most important concerns that Indian parents have when it comes to letting their daughters travel solo was safety, and they are not wrong. India, as well all know, is not the safest place for a girl to travel solo, the number of crimes that are committed daily against women speaks for itself. However, you can make them understand that the world being an ugly and dangerous place is not your fault. They should not restrict you from exploring the world for reasons that are beyond your control. Stress on the safety precautions that you will be taking throughout the trip and keep protection measures such as whistle and pepper sprays at handy. Make them believe that you are mature, smart, and strong enough to take these decisions and handle situations by yourself.
3) “Jab apne paise kamaoge tab jana (Go when you start earning yourself)” We have all heard our parents use this line on us at least once in our life. To not let finances be a hindrance to your travel plans, pay for your trip. Start saving before talking to your parents about the trip so when they bring up financial concerns, they not only realize that you are capable of handling finances but also serious about taking the trip. It also reflects positively on your decision taking abilities.
4) “Shadee ke badd jitna ghumna hai ghum lena (Travel as much as you want after marriage)”. Ahh! Indian parents and their obsession with getting their daughters married. When your parents shoot you with this statement, the best way to counter this is to question them back about how much they got to travel once they got married and their responsibilities increased. Travelling when you are a bachelor vs travelling when you are married is different. You will not be as carefree, as spontaneous and will not have the same level of independence.
5) “Akele tumhara mann kaise lagega”. (Will you not get bored alone?) The whole point of going on a solo trip is to travel alone, as it can be a path to self-discovery or maybe just provide you with a much-needed break from your routine life. Some people like being alone and enjoy their own company. However, a Solo trip does not always necessarily mean that you are alone all the time. Solo trips are best to increase networking and make new friends. As you go exploring new corners of the world, you come across travel groups, locals, and sometimes solo travelers like yourself who can tag along and accompany you for the remaining journey. You never know, that friendships you make there might just last for a lifetime.
6) “Sab akele kaise manage karoge?”. (How will you handle everything all by yourself) Indian parents can be overly protective. Harsh truth: they never really want to accept that their child has grown up and is capable of living life independently based on his/her choices. However, discuss with them about the advantages of travelling alone. It is only when you leave the safety net of your parents, will you learn to be more responsible and grow as a person. Travelling alone can be an enriching experience as you learn about new cultures, have new experiences, make friends for life and most importantly you learn to adapt to unfamiliar surroundings and co-exist.
7) “Log kya kahenge?” (What will people say?) Girls travelling alone is often seen as something going against the societal norms. Indian families care a lot about what their neighbours and relatives would think if they allowed their daughters to travel alone. “Hanth se nikal gae hai ladki”, will probably be the reaction. Haath se nikal ke hi toh ladki will grow an embrace her individuality. As long as you are happy, and your parents satisfied, it shouldn’t matter what others think.
8) “Akele ghum gae toh?” Well, there are a lot of apps that can now help you navigate through the city, the most popular being Google Maps. In situations when that does not work, which is possible as sometimes you might not get a network, or your phone battery might be low, then you can depend on the good old maps and find locals that would be willing to help.
9) “It will be too expensive”. Spending a lot of money can also be a concern for some parents. In those cases, it is best to operate on a set budget. Provide your parents with a detailed financial breakdown of how much money you are planning to spend on what, and search for places and accommodations that are affordable. Cut back on unnecessary expenses that might cause you to exceed your budget.
10) "But you know nothing about that place"! Last but not the least, mind you, this is probably the most effective way. You can tell your parents that I am going on a girls-only trip with Wander Womaniya. You can assure your parents that safety, security is taken care of along with a well researched itinerary, accommodations and all arrangements. Furthermore, you don't even have to worry to pay for the full room as you just need to join solo, Team Wander Womaniya will find another like-minded solo female traveler to share the accommodation with you. (There is always an option to upgrade to a private room; should you prefer that.)
Tell us in comments how you convinced your parents to go for that solo travelling vacation, we would love to hear you out.